You have $400. You get a text from your daughter who says she needs $200. You get another text from your son who says he needs $150. How much money do you have left ??? Me: $400 and two unread texts.
My wife said she wants to go out to eat after the quarantine is over I am thinking no way is a month long enough for her to make up her mind where to eat.
A young punker gets on a cross-town bus. He's got spiked, multi-colored hair that's green, purple and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his ear-rings are big, bright feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man who just glares at him for the next ten miles. Finally, the punk becomes self-conscious and barks at the old man: "What are you looking at, you old fart?...didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?" Without missing a beat, the old man replies: "Yeah. Back when I was young and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night in Singapore, and had sex with a parrot. I thought maybe you were my son."
Two young black strangers are waiting at a crosswalk for the light to change. The young man is very tall, handsome and muscular with a chiselled physique. The attractive young woman, after eyeing him up and down, looks up at the man and says, "You a big un. How tall are you?" To which he replies, "six foot, seven inches". She says, "Dats tall. How you measure dat?" He replies, "Wid a tape measure." She then asks, "How big yo neck is?" He replies, "Twenty two inches". She then says, "Oooo, dats big. How you measure dat?" He replies, "Wid a tape measure." She then asks, "How big yo chest is?" He replies, "Foty eight inches." She then says, "Oooo, dats big. How you measure dat?" He replies, "Wid a tape measure." She then says, "Dat's nice. How big yo waist is?" He replies, "Tirty fo inches." She then says, "Oooo, dats nice. How you measure dat?" Slightly irritated he replies, "Wid a tape measure, bitch!" Just then the light changes and he steps off the curb to cross the street and she grabs him by the belt, pulls him back onto the sidewalk and says, "I gotta ax you one mo question." He nods and she says, "How big yo Johnson is?" He just grins and answers, "Fo inches." Rather startled she says, "Fo inches? How yo measure dat?" He looks her dead in the eye and answers, "From da flo".
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20's, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's and 40's, they are like pears, still nice and hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions." "Onions?", the son asks. "Yes, you see them and they make you cry." The daughter and wife are infuriated on hearing this. The daughter asks "Mom, how many kinds of willies are there?" The mom smiles and says, "Well, dear, a man goes through three phases too. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30's and 40's, it's like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After 50, it's like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" asks the daughter. "Yes, dead from the root up, and the balls are just for decoration."
Tᴇᴀᴄʜᴇʀ-“Billy if there are 5 birds on a fence and you shoot 1, how many birds are left?” Bɪʟʟʏ-“none, the others would fly away.” Tᴇᴀᴄʜᴇʀ-“the answer is 4 but I like the way you think.” Bɪʟʟʏ- “miss, I have a question. There are 3 women eating ice-cream. One licking, one biting, one sucking. Which one is married?” Tᴇᴀᴄʜᴇʀ(nervously)-“the one sucking.” Bɪʟʟʏ-“ no miss, the one with the wedding ring. But I like your thinking.”
Crazy Crextin’s Mad Musings... Hello fellow lounge Houndz. Hope everyone is well and staying as healthy as possible. Haven’t really done much chatting football lately and am breaking my silence. Admittedly with all the isolation and no mini camps and such this spring. I hope that the coaching staff can still install the new offensive and defensive schemes. I did like the one interview with Baker I saw where he said they were working more on fundamentals rather than nuances of the new offense being implemented. Getting back to basics is what has been needed and missing (IMHO) for quite some time. I can see why some around here are excited to see what the offense can do this year. With the additions to the O-line and the weapons at the skill positions, I can see why people feel that Baker should have a rebound year. Hopefully the coaching staff can find ways to get the most out of these guys. I am still however concerned about the defense. After reading an article where Joe Woods envisions his Browns defense playing in the dime package as the base defense, worries me very much. The Browns have not been very good at stopping the run and with both PIT and BAL bolstering their running offense, the Brown’s offense may not see the field enough to win many games. Though now I see why the FO didn’t bolster the LB position enough (IMHO). They don’t plan to use many. I’m not sold that the additions and depth added to the d-line will be sufficient to slow down any solid rushing attack. Hoping this finds you all safe and well. HERE WE GO BROWNIES HERE WE GO WOOF WOOF!
The biggest problem this season is players learning what to do and the lack of fans maybe hurting home field advantage
