A few years ago my wife was diagnosed with cancer. It was serious but the doctors were confident they had found it early and knew treatment had a great shot at working. But cancer is cancer and it rocks your life when it hits you or someone you love. During the treatments she and I would often talk about life and mortality in very frank conversations because we've always had that openness and could talk about anything. Besides simply ensuring her will was exactly as she wanted it to be we also talked a lot about what we would do if treatment didn't work and things got worse. My wife was adamant that if she knew she was terminally ill and the doctors said she had x amount of time left...she wouldn't waste it in a hospital bed. Her and I have always been the type of people that try not to waste life anyway. We travel a lot and stay spontaneous as much as we can. I've definitely always attempted to live a life of no regrets and when I found Donna...I found my soul mate that was the same exact way. She said that if she had a set amount of time left she would make sure to see all her family and friends while she was still healthy enough to enjoy their time and that she would want to travel as much as she could and visit any places that were always on the list but she hadn't been yet. And finally when she felt the inevitable day every human must face whether they like it or not was coming....she'd prefer to pass from this world watching either a sunrise or sunset from a room or a patio with a nice view somewhere around Martha's Vineyard. She grew up in the Boston area and Cap Cod and the Vineyard were a second home full of fond memories for her. But that was the plan we agreed upon. No extensive treatments that would just reach the same results anyway. No hopeless talk...no futile bullshit. Just get on with life and take control of what you have left instead of letting what you have left control you. Sorry for the story. But the question for this thread is.....if you had a limited amount of time left...let's say 6 months. What is on your bucket list? And I'm only talking things you could actually do. But what are things you would set out to accomplish that for some reason life hasn't allowed you to yet?
This comment really draws me. I believe that the quality of life is not determined or defined by how much time you have; it is determined by what you choose to use it for. I've had cancer 3 times in my life. Each time I faced some very serious thoughts about what to do if/when I found myself in the position that you describe. The strongest thought I had was to not allow myself to surrender to the cancer but not to go all crazy trying different trials or last-ditch attempts to change what was happening. I would prefer to just keep on being. It would be really important to me to continue teaching yoga and tai chi to my clients and friends and to continue being open to helping them feel better. My bucket list isn't very exciting. I would look forward to a really long bike trip with my husband and our friends. We normally get 2 weeks but I would love to continue for a couple of months. Camping in the foothills and washing in the streams ... I would love to take the bikes out west in Canada and to stop and visit longtime friends and family along the way. When my husband and I are on the bike it is the closest we can ever get both physically as well as emotionally. When/if I'm too sick to travel I want to lie in his arms on a beach somewhere and just watch the play of waves on the water and listen to the sound of the birds.
I'd like to travel a bit - the pyramids, Petra, Machu Picchu. Ruins of castles in Scotland; a pub crawl in the English country-side. A tourist-y bread, wine and cheese repast at a sidewalk cafe in France on a warm spring day. One of those over-water bungalows in Bora Bora. But I'd also just like to "be," if that makes sense. Rounds of golf with friends, followed by a few cold IPAs and a burger and fries or a hoagie. More sunrises and sunsets, especially from a beach or someplace near the water. I'm not a beach person per se, but the feeling of my feet in the sand is tough to beat. I think your wife has it right - passing someplace other than a hospital bed would be ideal. I don't know whether the quote is from Dumas, or whether it was from a scriptwriter in The Three Musketeers, but Athos says "To die among friends - can a man ask for more? Can a world offer less?"
Never be sorry for the story, friend. It's inspiring to hear you talk about your wife with such admiration. I am so sorry that you've had to have these discussions in the first place, though. I sincerely hope it's a plan and a discussion that you never have to act on. If you need something, you know I'm always here however I can be. Thankfully, they caught mine early, and the reoccurrence after treatment was handled similarly. I always had the same thought and plan as Babyfan has acted on, and that you and your wife discussed - I just had to keep moving. Reminding myself of that has saved me in a lot of moments. I want to see the Northern Lights. I want to see the great mountains and rolling hills of the world. I've lived in Florida the vast majority of my life - outside of seeing hurricanes and the endless ocean, I haven't had much chance to marvel at the world. I want to marvel in as much of it as I have time to see.
[QUOTE="dlinebass5, post: 671367, member: 127"I want to see the Northern Lights.[/QUOTE] Yep - add that to my list as well.
The northern lights are truly spectacular. I can't really think of a place on the planet I feel I need to see before I die. I've been most places I've ever wanted to go. I think axe got it right....it probably comes down to more of who you're with versus where.
Unfortunately, it's on my radar at the moment because we have received bad news that her cancer is back and back to the extent that it's likely to be a battle she won't win. In all honesty....we've met with a lot of doctors over the past few days including a specialist that flew in just to have a look at her test results and speak with us. The end result from that is basically that the unthinkable has become the inevitable. If has become when and basically the most optimistic prognosis is a year to a year and a half left for her. I'm sure you guys can tell by my posts here on this board that being left speechless isn't something that happens to me often. But that's where I was left yesterday as we got this news. And while I've always considered myself tough...mentally and otherwise....I was somewhat floored yesterday when after all the talk was over all she really had to say to me was "You remember our plan, right?". This is a woman that won't stop living until she is physically unable to and I love that about her as much as I love anything. And I don't mean to turn this thread into more a downer than it should be considering it's about bucket lists. And I truly appreciate all the kinds words. You guys are a good bunch.
As hard/impossible as it is you're going to have to keep on moving forward just like you always have with her. Especially now. Let the moments of despair happen but lift her back up each time. And they will happen to both of you. You're a strong team together Roger, have faith in both of you.
She's right in her approach. We aren't gonna suddenly stop living the life we've always lived. Like you say...keep moving forward. That's all anyone can really do. I've never been on a submarine before. I think that is on my bucket list.
My first wife and I would have been married for 50 years two months ago. She was a breast cancer survivor who died of respiratory failure 15 years ago. So I am well versed in, and probably have had, the same conversations that you and your wife have had. IMHO, you and your wife have most assuredly taken the best possible approach. I've also lost both parents, both of my brothers and a child. I'm the last one in my family still standing. I've made numerous decisions in my life that, still to this day, I regret. And I've also made some that brought joy and happiness to those I truly care about. So I guess I broke even on that front. While I haven't lived an especially exciting life - I have flown through Hurricanes multiple times (on purpose), I've taken a ride in the back seat of an F4 Phantom fighter, was assigned to work with the US Secret Service in support of President Nixon and I've made low alloy steel out of scrap. No one knows how many trips around the sun they get to make. I suspect I have far fewer than most of you. All I can hope for at this stage of my life is to be the best person I can be.
That's the last place you'll ever find me or on an elevator (Good thing I have strong legs, I've climbed a lot of stairs in my life) or any cramped spaces. Claustrophobia is that demon's name. What I really want no matter how long or how well I'm going to be is to stand back up on the Rockies at a highest point above the clouds so I can touch the sky again.
Oh and Bww ... take pictures. Take a LOT of pictures. Take them when she's sleeping, while she's reading a favourite book, when she's laughing at one of your crazy jokes, when she's feeling happy and smiling up at the sun and even when she has tears on her cheeks. You'll want those later.
I once went on a tour of the USS Cod. A WWII vintage diesel/electric sub. It was quite an eye opener for me. Obviously we didn't get underway or submerged but it was still fascinating. And, yes, it was quite cramped in there. I wouldn't mind trying to experience a civilian submersible. Doubt many civilians would get to go on an active duty submarine. Along those lines, I always wanted a ride in an F4U Corsair. That was the gull winged fighter flown by the Navy and Marine Corp primarily in the Pacific theater in WWII and then again in Korea. Here's the problem . . . The Corsair is a single seater fighter and I don't have a pilot's license. Even if I went and got a pilot's license, no one in their right mind that owns one of these vintage warbirds would let a 70something year old fart with low solo flight hours take it up for a joy ride.
Sorry for the story. But the question for this thread is.....if you had a limited amount of time left...let's say 6 months. What is on your bucket list? And I'm only talking things you could actually do. But what are things you would set out to accomplish that for some reason life hasn't allowed you to yet? Kudos on starting this Thread BWW..........I'm sorry about your wife's Cancer and I hope she is fighting and surviving. My Number ONE Bucket List is too Shake the Hand of Earl Campbell....(he lives in Vegas) Number Two is to Walk the Camino de Santiago.......it can take two months about 800 KMs to do this walk in Spain and France......but well worth it as the scenery is Spectacular and when you reach Santiago you can rid yourself of demons and habits. Great Thread BWW..........\+/........BEER
I don't really have one. I just enjoy spending time with the few remaining friends I have left and my dog surrounded by laughter. I suppose camping on top of a mountain in Colorado with close friends a lot of beer and getting high etc. during a meteor shower. I don't want to visit strange places I want to visit places where I'm comfortable. I like Lyman have been there too. I never really accepted the fact that my wife was dying until the last few weeks, and while I in some ways regret that fact it kept me positive throughout. It wasn't until she looked me in the eye and told me "I don't want to die" that I realized how helpless I actually was. Those were the hardest days of my life, and I'm grateful I had my dog to help me get through it.
Yes, I have three daughters and I know when they start going through my shit that I don't want them to know exactly what I've been up to. I don't want the bloom to fall off the rose that is me.
